There is something we should understand. Yes, you might consider yourself weak and let someone walk all over you. You might not be very aware of your boundaries and you allowed them to be crossed. You might be overly respectful of authority and allowed yourself to be intimidated. Yes, you might find it hard to say no and let yourself be worked into the ground.
But we are talking about abuse here.
The abused’s disposition and the abuser’s actions are separate. Your disposition and actions, no matter how weak or provocative, never justifies you being abused. Never. You may provoke… either by your weakness or by your provocations or whatever… but it may never justify abuse.Rather predictably, as someone who didn't know much about boundaries, I fell prey to spiritual abuse during one phase of my life. The minister considered that I was too strong-minded or didn't let my husband be the head of our household, and all the problems in our relationship were squarely my fault. My response was to try to change, and try to be someone different. I became more and more the demure evangelical wife that was expected until one day my husband said, 'Who are you? I married someone who was spunky and vibrant and wild. I don't recognise you any more'. It took me a long time to recover from a number of really quite shocking events, as well as the continuous pressure to conform.
The thing is, there is a lot of power that can come with wearing a dog collar, and it should be handled with a great deal of care. Now that I wear one, I think I sometimes forget that my words can have more impact than they did before, hopefully mainly for good, but I must take heed from my own negative vicar experiences.